1. You do not own a snaffle bit or side pull…but you do have every gimmick on earth for creating a “headset”
2. You break them to ride at 18 months, because waiting until they are actually grown up takes too long and could be DANGEROUS
3. When asked which discipline you ride, you give the questioner a blank look.
4. You proudly proclaim that you have NEVER fallen off a horse.
5. You don’t teach fancy stuff like leads, that’s for them dressagey people.
6. One saddle fits all.
7. Your idea of continuing education is to continue beating the horse until it gets “educated”.
8. Standing on the horse is part of your training program.
9. You can’t finish your homework or own a horse but have been riding a year and a half, and you just “know”.
10. You learned everything you know from reading the Black Stallion books
11. You charge less for training and lessons than the average hourly wage at QuickMart.
12. You’re 13 years old and you’ve been a trainer for your whole life.
13. Your last name is Peronace.
14. Your website indicates that you train show horses, but does not include any reference to successes you have had in the show ring.
15. You consider the pinnacle of desensitizing to involve a chainsaw.
16. You learned to crack a bull whip before you learned how to rope, change leads, or correctly adjust a bridle.
17. You do not carry liability insurance.
18. You truly believe that the judges (ALL of them) have just not recognized your brilliance yet.
19. Your accomplishments include teaching horses to rear , shake a hoof and stand on a tree stump like a circus elephant.
20. Your multiple children run around like hellions, with no respect or social skills at ALL, creating mass havoc wherever they go (and they do GO everywhere)
21. All of your horses are beginner safe because you never feed them (the horses, not the beginners, although it is possible they aren’t being fed either).
22. Your go to bit is a Tom Thumb. (*edit* American)
23. You do not require minor students to wear helmets, because you have been riding for 30 years without a helmet and there “aint nothin wrong wit me.”
24. The local Animal Control Officer knows you and your entire family on a first name basis, and not in a good way.
25. You have been featured on Snarky Rider… more than once 😉
~Snarky Rider Mastermind