It’s Time! Squeee! Expert My Ass!

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It’s Time! Squeee! Expert My Ass!
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1 vote, 5.00 avg. rating (91% score)

It’s time.

I’ve been holding onto this for quite some time.  It’s just, well, it’s just too good to be true.  I wanted to do it justice but every time I went to write something I just burst out laughing! So I’ve finally decided to just share it  with all of you so we can all laugh together.

Ready?

WARNING: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DRINK ANYTHING WHILE WATCHING THIS VIDEO.

Oh dear, it looks like their “expert” has demonstrated, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she has NO IDEA WHAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT!

Holy crap.  Did you laugh?  I’ve watched it a stupid number of times and I still laugh.

Alright, her name is Sarah Stetner, she’s right so far (but it’s all downhill from here!).

1.  Splint boots (aka brushing boots) are used to protect the horse’s legs from the horse’s legs.  Hey! It happens to the best of us!  You’re walking along and all of a sudden, without thinking, you accidentally kick yourself.  Or maybe I’m just trying to justify my own poor walking habits.  A horse has 4 legs to worry about.  Sometimes they get a little discombobulated. Back to my point: the primary purpose of this type of boot is to protect the horse’s legs from its own hooves and NOT, as Sarah keeps saying, as support.  Yes, they do provide some support but the best way to prevent shin splints is proper conditioning and avoiding excessive concussive work (ie. trotting on cement).  So says wiki, so say I.

2.  @0:40 – that is NOT where the horse gets shin splints – splints are most likely to occur on the inside of the leg.

3.  @0:43 – that is NOT where the boot goes…

4.  @0:48 – OMG do not buckle the boot like that!!!! You are never ever supposed to put direct pressure on the tendon like that.  No.  Bad “expert”.

5.  @1:03 – That’s not where you want the padded part.  Hold on, let me get the 7 year old I occasionally babysit.  I guarantee you she could do a better job.

6.  @1:20 – No you don’t.  You do not want the boot as tight as you can get it.  Circulation good.  Be nice to the circulation.  If it wasn’t so important, we wouldn’t be so freakin’ dependent upon that big ass heart thingy.  Honestly, I wish we weren’t because, if you ask me, it’s getting just a wee bit of an ego.  Not unlike Dr. Cox (dammit I miss Scrubs!)

7.  @1:25 – NO IT’S NOT!!!!! BAAAAAAHHHHHH! (starts ripping hair out)

Sidebar: What’s going on with the horse’s shoulder at 1:34?  Is that the light? Scars? Sweat marks? Weird bug bites?

(Half of me is sorry, I got stuck in a youtube vortex and couldn’t help myself.  But the other half is all “that’s what I’m talkin’ bout!” -with respect to the heart having a big ego thing, that is.)

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59 comments

  1. Posted by Cristin, at Reply

    I know they pulled those videos, but I swear I wish that you could put that whole post of yours under her video and call her out.

    VELCRO TO THE BACK YOU FREAKING MORON!

  2. Posted by ChestnutMare, at Reply

    Oh this is far from the worst video this chick has done. Here’s her video on how to measure a horse, where she starts by saying the horse is 15.3, comes up with “11 or 12 hands” as his height by her “method” because she has “big hands”:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBAyrpfe0OM

    I still can’t figure out if these videos were that ignorant, or a super-clever troll.

    • Posted by ChestnutMare, at Reply

      She also has a riding video where she can’t make her horse pick up canter, but I can’t seem to find it at the moment. She’s kind of a youtube superstar, in her own special way.

      • Posted by Kris, at Reply

        Lol- in her own world, maybe ?

    • Posted by ChestnutMare, at Reply

      Oh I found her jumping video. No helmet, can barely stay on over a tiny jump.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6_b_K_R6zE

      She had more but most of them were removed when the horse community universally called her an idiot. These ones seem to have recently resurfaced.

      • Posted by Janalina, at Reply

        Her commentary is to die!

        “That is how you canter over the jump” AAANND then break immediately into a trot.

        “You want to stay in the saddle.” Really? No shit! I thought I was supposed to fly over the horse’s ears just for a giggle!

    • Posted by 48northfarm, at Reply

      OMG, I just watched how to “measure a horse”. I can’t stop laughing. Where did this lunatic come from? Is she insane?

    • Posted by Janalina, at Reply

      Oh, that measuring one! I peed myself. My favorite lines: “seventeen hands is real tall” or “eleven hands is exactly 15.3…it’s a rough estimate” HAHAHAHAHAHA,! Oh, the Humanity!

      • Posted by Safierdrgn, at Reply

        Her horse looks a wee bit taller than 15.3 hands(or 12 hands with really big hands). Either that or she’s reaaaally short. I’m so glad we have these types of people to teach other morons!

    • Posted by Spots, at Reply

      No, don’t tell me that this is the SAME girl who demonstrated measuring her horse by stacking her splayed out fingers, spread as far apart as possible????? I wish I would have thought to pee before watching her video, cuz I nearly had an accident. Apparently, she doesn’t spend alot of time looks at how other people on on splint boots. How is her horse supposed to bend his ankle, when you “put them on as tight as you can get them”? If this is the same girl, how can ANYONE be that dumb and get so much abuse from her other video(s) and STILL call herself a horse expert. I sure hope she’s not giving lessons or training somewhere. Yiker doodles! You’re right, I will never put splint boots on again without thinking of this idiot expert. Heheheheeee!

    • Posted by Melissa, at Reply

      No wonder some many sellers have the height of their horses wrong! They must be having their toddelers measure their horses for them!

    • Posted by Maggie V, at Reply

      Oh, my God. ‘ The eensy beensy spider went up the water spout approach to get a seriously underestimated idea of an uneducated guess of how tall your horse might could possibly be’ must be all the rage in the expert village. I’d say her village is indeed looking for her, tho’ not as the “expert.”

  3. Posted by 48northfarm, at Reply

    That video had to be a joke: someone lost a bet and had to videotape the most ridiculous, tongue-in-cheek, miscarriage of the truth EVER! Nobody could be so stupid: first, to think that way and second, to PUT IT ON YOUTUBE! I’m dumbfounded, I don’t know what to say. It’s beyond me. I feel really sorry for the horse she rides if the video is an example of how she rides. Let’s hope it WAS a joke.

  4. Posted by Sarah Haynes, at Reply

    Ha what a load of tosh, I know them as brushing boots,my arab used to wear them on the front along with rubber hoof boots for his over reach-thank god she wasn’t let loose with the buckled ones that I had

  5. Posted by marknsvet, at Reply

    I think my tongue is almost bloody I’m biting it so hard to avoid laughing treMEndously loud. (I’m at the library). But can I just say: BWWAAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

  6. Posted by Ashley Mutek, at Reply

    The video of her putting on a bridle is a great laugh too.

    • Posted by Bethy, at Reply

      You totally stole my favorite one! I love how the horse walks off without her, then the video randomly stops before some of the important steps, like fastening the buckles!

    • Posted by Janalina, at Reply

      I love this woman. I haven’t had a good laugh in a while. Ah….

  7. Posted by Xtalgrrl, at Reply

    I liked the part when she cranked on the Velcro and the poor horse flinched. Ok, I didn’t actually like it. It was as if the horse was shouting “not like that, you idiot!”

  8. Posted by PalominoPalOfMine, at Reply

    Oh. My. God. I just watched the videos that others had posted- that chestnut horse she is bridling is an angel. And the height one! height tape! it’s 5 dollars at your local tack shop…

    On the brushing boots, I’ve never used them myself, so I honestly didn’t know that much about them- but I DO know you never pull anything “as tight as you can” around a horse’s leg… good golly.

    Poor girl could use some lessons. I hope she’s taking them now

  9. Posted by Designer Chick, at Reply

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnQNppmON4o&feature=relmfu
    OMG I just about peed myself laughing!!!! I also found myself whispering “bite her horsey, bit her”

    As for the splint boot video, shit even the 6 year old jr. riders at my barn know how to correctly put on splint boots and polo wraps.She velcroed em wrong, they were waaaay too tight and I couldn’t tell because the lighting was crap but it looked like she had them on upside down. Scary shit.

  10. Posted by Jenny, at Reply

    Umm…well…there may or may not have been a time in my past that I told another horse owner that a certain horse was out of commission due to his shin splints. She may or may not have spit her beverage across the room before she told me horses don’t get shin splints.

    I might add, I was a teen and not a proclaimed expert. LOL

  11. Posted by Monica Morais, at Reply

    OK, WTF did I just watch? This is an expert? If my trainers found one of the pony club kids trying to put on splint boots like that they’d get slapped upside down ( not literally, of course). Or, in my case, mocked a lot. Hey, I had a blonde moment, K? Moving along… *whistles*

    • Posted by Monica Morais, at Reply

      P.S. Just to clarify: yes, I’ve put on splint boots on the wrong leg, cos I’d left my brains at home one day (that was a while ago), but I would never put them on this TIGHT. JEESUS!

  12. Posted by Angie, at Reply

    Actually, the equine equivalent of shin splints is called bucked shins, and they DO occur on the front of the leg. Splints that occur on the inside of the leg are just plain old splints and have nothing to do with bucked shins.

    Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending this moron. In fact Im having trouble figuring out where to even start!!! This twit is so concerned about a problem that RARELY occurs outside of 2 year old thoroughbred race horses and doesn’t give a fuck about that poor horses tendons. For one, you NEVER buckle anything directly on the tendon. Secondly, she’s not only got them on wrong, she’s got them on backwards, which means she’s buckling them backwards, which is again asking for tendon problems. As was already mentioned, splint boots don’t provide support, nor do polos, and those silly sports medicine boots everyone seems to be in love with only provide a little. Even if they did provide support, support does little in the way of preventing bucked shins or splints. Making sure you are working your horse on good soft footing will go a LOT further. And once a horse has bucked its shins, putting any kind of boot or bandage on the affected leg would actually be quite painful for the horse. I was going to post a link about bucked shins, but I can’t find any good ones (granted I don’t have a lot of time to look). Most articles list out of date treatments that are no longer used (ie. pin firing) and fail to mention that long term problems caused by bucked shins are the result of trainers that do not deal with the problem properly when it occurs.

  13. Posted by Small time hay, at Reply

    Oh You mean we’ve been doing it WRONG all these years? Im mean just think about all the shin splints in high school I could have avoided but simply straping on a pair of splint boots! And my horse would oh so comfey running barrels with those lovely boots straped on that way. Did anyone notice through all the laughter coming from the four corners of the earth that she kept saying “and whatnot” or “stuff”. At least it provided us a couple of good laughs, still chuckling everytime I think about it!

  14. Posted by Janalina, at Reply

    One has to wonder if when she is finished cranking those damn boots “as tight as possible” on that horses legs, BACKWARDS, the horse has any feeling, or blood, left in its legs! BTW, running fast does not cause shin splints…one can get them by running real slow, on cement!

  15. Posted by Insomniac, at Reply

    I was too distracted by her sheer stupidity for my lemonade to get any closer to my mouth than an inch or so before I just put it down.

    How has she not ruined any of her horses by now? .____.

  16. Posted by Rachel G., at Reply

    These videos are NSFW!! LOL in my cube!! You’re killing me!!

  17. Posted by Kaylie, at Reply

    Is this video legit?

    • Posted by snarkyrider, at Reply

      From what I was told, yes. But it is a number of years old now. I don’t think the website it was produced for exists anymore.

      • Posted by Monica Morais, at Reply

        I was told the videos are actually 5 years old and then they were put down when people started to complain.

        • Posted by ChestnutMare, at Reply

          Yes, I remember them being thoroughly mocked years ago. I think these were recently uploaded by horse people who had saved them to enjoy laughing at them. I think there were 20-some videos originally. Welcome to the internet age, Sarah; your foolishness will never go away.

      • Posted by SweetPea, at Reply

        Well, thank god for that at least… if that site was still in existence and this is what they considered “expert” NHer Parelli would have a run for his money.

      • Posted by Kim, at Reply

        The website is called expertvillage and they still have videos up on YouTube.

  18. Posted by Safierdrgn, at Reply

    I know I’m not adding anything…but all I have to say is- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
    And to think all these years I’ve been doing it wrong!

  19. Posted by Ellen, at Reply

    Oh dear lord, it’s like I’m back having a conversation with the crazy lady who refused to take lessons, read some Parelli stuff, and then tried to go give training advice to my instructor, and anyone else who would stand still long enough (including a woman who bought an unbroke, barely handled monster of a 4-year-old stallion on a whim and turned him into the sweetest, most polite, well-behaved, bomb-proof, kid-friendly horse I have ever seen PERIOD. I’m pretty sure she knows what she’s doing). Seriously. We all tried to avoid being alone with her. I came off a horse and bruised my tail bone, and was telling the story of how it happened on Facebook, and she just starts going on about how the same thing happened to her once, and how I should’ve dealt with it (uh, yeah, sure lady, I’ve seen your horse, and I doubt she ever randomly leaped 5 feet in the air before proceeding to run around bucking and kicking like a rodeo horse for 10 minutes), and about wearing protective gear (She has seen me ride. I always wear a helmet, I almost always wear a vest, and I BRUISED MY FREAKING TAIL BONE, you can’t really wear anything to protect you from that), and I’m just going “Oh my god STOP.”

    • Posted by Bethy, at Reply

      Ohhh thats good! I used to have an animal “communicator” that hung out at my barn, and she used to tell me that my barn sour OTTB (who was abused for years) would be calmer if she just got laid, that all of the horses hated their owners, and then liked to remind me how my dog (who does not play with toys) loves RED balls…

      • Posted by Ellen, at Reply

        Oh, “animal communicators,” they just take the cake, don’t they? What a crock of bullshit, eh? Now, I do believe there are some people out there who have a greater than average natural ability to understand and communicate with animals (in the sense that they instinctively know how to read and use body language), but “communicating” with animals in purely human ways of thinking? No. Just, no.

  20. Posted by Saddenedbyignorance, at Reply

    Let’s all pray she NEVER tries to bandage a horse’s leg, the poor things hooves would fall off!! Watching that makes me think that she has never seen a set of brushing boots before. She has certainly never competed anywhere in them or she would have been shamed out hard.

  21. Posted by Bethy, at Reply

    Does anyone know what has happened to her in the past 6 years? Has she taken lessons? Is she still a horse expert or has she become an expert in buying a more defined video camera?

  22. Posted by pony, at Reply

    Oh just to chime in, these videos are totally legit. Not legit correct about the topic, but legit on Expert Village like four or five years ago. They’ve been featured on bad_riding more than once! And am pretty sure the girl is just a moron. It would have taken a special troll to win this so well. I had the luxury of viewing video comments and her defending herself but didn’t think to screen cap it. It’s real! You can pretty much always tell a bad rider from a good rider trying to look bad.

    I ride western, and I use splint boots or polo wraps up front every ride because my mare will sometimes rub or clip herself if we’re doing a lot of turning or stopping. That’s what they are made for; protection against excessive rubbing or chafing, if your horse clips himself where a bell boot won’t protect it, if you’re going on trail and want something that will protect his legs in water and mud maybe, but not for support and definitely not to prevent some bullshit leg problem! They have pretty much the exact same function as polo wraps. Well, except they have velcro, which is mostly used correctly by toddlers and the elderly, so they should be easy, right? Apparently not for that girl! Jesus.

    Those “shin splint boots” are not only on backwards, but backwards AND hella crooked! The white part should be on the inside of her horse’s leg! Because I can see that the white part is across the front, I know that she is actually tightening the buckle as tight as she possibly can directly OVER the horse’s tendon. The closure for splint boots is always on the outside of the leg.

    That said, pretty much the only difference between splint boots and open front jumping boots is where they close and what material they are made of. Imagine dumdum was putting on open front jumping boots instead of splint boots. If, instead of cradling the tendon in the boot and buckling it over the front of her horse’s leg like she should, she put the left one on the right leg (I assume they have a specific leg like splint boots do, which is velcro to the back? I don’t jump?), turned it upside down, and pulled it closed so tight that her horse’s leg flinched during the closure and before and after taking a step! Run on sentence be damned! If she boarded at my barn, boasted her supreme knowledge of horses and did that in front of me, I would slap her innnn theeee faaaccceeee. DANGGGG-UHHHHHH.

    /rage.
    /novel.

  23. Posted by Cristin, at Reply

    My OTTB has a popped Splint (google it) on the inside high that looks horrid but is cold, but not a um “shin splint”. My Paint also has one, we have horrid footing here when it doesn’t rain, but for heaven’s sake please at least put the boot right side up with the velcro facing to the back, no the front. I would hate to see what she would do with polo wraps!

    I remember these videos and was one of many that called out Expert V and said this woman was going to cause a MULTITUDE of accidents that *could* be technically laid at their feet…Afterall, she is an expert on *their* website.

    Sad, very sad..

  24. Posted by Paula, at Reply

    @pony
    Until I read your comment, I was stuck between awesome troll, or clueless, possibly stoned, horse owner.
    I mean really, I was just watching her video on hackamores, and she says that hackamores are for horses that are “unfamiliar with bits” (umm.. isn’t that like every single baby horse in the world?) and for when you are trail riding and “don’t feel like putting a bit in your horse’s mouth” I think Fry is best at summing up my thoughts on this:
    http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/9220715.jpg
    That is not to say anything of that bridling video!

    And Snarky, I know what you mean about kicking yourself when walking- when I go hiking where there is a lot of mud, the inside lower leg of my trousers or gaiters are always really muddy. What is annoying is that I only seem to brush the inside of the opposite leg with my heels when I am wearing walking boots. In the mud.

  25. Posted by horsesandponies4ever, at Reply

    0_o;. Okay jokes over (pretty please be a joke…) now remove those videos as everyone had their laughs, so no one kills/maims/seriously injures their horse….. If this is for real….. I’m really, truely scared…. Has she never heard of, oh I don’t know, BOOKS?! Than again if you’re this stupid, reading is probably beyound the capabilities of the person….

  26. Posted by designerchick2, at Reply

    horsesandponies4ever, I too am scared. Very, very scared. Curiosity got the best of me and I searched Sarah Stetner on FB. Hey guess what she’s a vet tech. Super. I’d be willing to bet she is now a veterinary expert. Be afraid very, very afraid.

    https://www.facebook.com/sarah.stetner.9

  27. Posted by Carol_in_wi, at Reply

    WOW…0.o 0.o…
    OMG I could hardly watch past 49 seconds…
    My husband who is a real beginner even knew you don’t put splint boots on that way.
    And he said he knew at 6 yrs old that a “hand” for a horse was = about 4 inches.
    I think it is a rare horse that will open its mouth when you say “Bit”… I think the horse mis-understood, and it tried to walk away, vs actually biting her..

    • Posted by Monica, at Reply

      I’d seen my share of hard to bridle horses at the barn. Some are lesson horses who are a bit sore, others have been treated roughly before they arrived at the barn. The horse in that video was obviously NOT one of them. If she would just put the damn thing on properly, intead of repeating “bit” like a moron, I bet he would have taken the bridle quite nicely.

      • Posted by Stephanie, at Reply

        Ya know, not banging the bit repeatedly into the horse’s teeth also goes a long way. If I tried saying “bit” over and over to my mare while rubbing metal on her teeth, she’s probably just bite my face off. O_o (And honestly, who would blame her?)

  28. Posted by Atnkidd, at Reply

    Facinating that these are confirmed legit! Are we sure we’re not all getting punked? Just tooooo bad and tooooo wrong to be true! Gawd!

  29. Posted by MichelleL, at Reply

    I hope she has graduated to demonstrating something useful…like how to give yourself an appendectomy during the Zombie Apocalypse, because seriously it would be just as plausible as her claims of being an “expert” horseman.

  30. Posted by Jinete789, at Reply

    I am soooo happy to see the wonderfully inept Sarah Stetner again. I thought all of her videos had been pulled from YouTube. My personal fave was “how to stop a horse from a gallop”. Apparently the technique is to have a nice western trained schooly who goes into one of those “daisy cutter” three miles an hour lopes -which Ms Stetner inexplicably describes as a “hand gallop” – then let him dribble to a stop – and she still only narrowly avoids coming out the front door. Wonderful stuff.

  31. Posted by Kenna, at Reply

    I laughed so much over this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m24-BprOqkc&feature=relmfu

    I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.

  32. Posted by BeRandee, at Reply

    LMAO….. Her horse is cute, I’ll give her that much. And he was in his late 20′s in those video’s. Just fricken WOW….

  33. Posted by Tealbarrelracer, at Reply

    Hahah…you are suppose to start by putting on the boots in the front then you let them move to the side… like they were doing…..so that they fit correctly….the hand measuring one is even worse….it originated from a king whos hands across the palm was 4 inches….. i have not gotten to see the rest but girlly sorry to say this but the child I babysat for could put these boots on better and he was only 6….If you want support use an SMB….(Sports Medicine Boots) or heck just read( look at the pictures too) a magizine….this is just so stupid its funny…..

  34. Posted by Ms. Elise, at Reply

    The sad thing is, I know for a fact that expert village has *good* experts on some subjects (like cartwheels, aerials, and some other acrobatics that my boyfriend does because he’s bouncy) but they can’t find one on horses? Thank god they took these videos down, but seriously shame on them for not checking out their expert on horses.

    (Here’s a video on aerials – you can SEE the guy’s competence, just like you can see this woman’s incompetence . . .) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSyo8YtCCcI (Oh yeah, don’t do this unless you’re bouncy and such – I can barely cartwheel, but boy is it fun to watch people doing this well)

  35. Posted by Meg, at Reply

    What a good patient horse she has.

    Thanks… I had one of the best laughs watching some of these that have had recently. Oh my! Good to know those were pulled from Expert Village.

  36. Posted by Lori Minkus, at Reply

    ExpertVillage was missing the village idiot.

  37. Posted by kyliea, at Reply

    i was gonna watch these again, cos i needed a good laugh. but they’ve all been taken down? :( any idea where i could find them again??