Hates banana smells… don’t we all?

0
horse1
0.00 avg. rating (0% score) - 0 votes

Look I don’t want to to this but this is my first horse and I have done all I can do with her. She is a beautiful horse and needs somebody who knows what they are doing. She is on the skiddish side and I don’t know if she can be ridden. She is black and white and her name is Ace. She likes men better than she likes women and no sudden noises. Her favorite treat is apples and she loves to be brushed. She needs lots of land with pasture so she can run because I feel this is her wish. she is my baby and I love her but sometimes when you love you have to let it go. I have only had her two months from now will be a year. I guess she is anywhere from from years to maybe six years. She likes when you play classic rock and will perk up her ears and whinny. She will answer you when you talk to her by shaking her head up and down or even shake for no. She is smart just strong willed. She cannot go to a home that will mistreat her or forget that she is alive. She will let you lead her around with a rope and she is fond of taking her halter off. If you think you can be a good horse parent to her and give her the life that she deserves then let me know. There is a rehoming fee of $200.00. I would consider a trade of a smaller/less shy horse.
She likes to be petted, loves apples and loves to roll in the mud. She gets very excited when you have a treat for her. She likes when you play classic rock and will bug you to read her a story all the time. She listens to you when you talk to her.. never complains when you discuss how frustrated with people and understands simple commands. I walk with her with a lead rope no I don’t know if she can be ridden I have no desire to try to ride her. She loves oatmeal cookies and is highly offended by the smell of skin so soft. She likes kids and has a fascination with toes. She is stubborn and looks at you like your retarded if you ask her to do something she considers dumb. She does not loud people or negative people. She is very sensitive to how you feel and if you cry in front of her she will rub her head on you as if to hug you and tries to dry your tears. She keeps me company at night when the world sleeps as I have insomnia. She will let you do whatever to any of her feet and will let you brush her tail and anywhere you want. When you do though, she will IMMEDIATELY go roll in the mud when you are done. She seems to like other horses and really should have some playmates. She would like a boy playmate….. I mean she REALLY would want a boy playmate….. She is a tad underweight still so you would still have to keep feeding her sweet feed and stuff. She has allergies and likes if you wear a lot of baby powder smelling stuff . she gets offended by different smells but if she approves of your shampoo or what not she will let you know by rubbing her head all over you. She will allow you to wear apple smells or coconut and will be pleased but hates banana smells. She watches kids with complete fascination and will watch you to see how you close the gate..so she can get out. She will imitate pretty much anything you do or try to. Remember if you do the same routine all the time she will learn it and if you do not do the same thing every time she will take matter into her own…hooves… so I always try to keep her guessing. If you do go a few days with no sweet feed or her daily treat she will let you know her displeasure. She will provide hours of entertainment to say the least. If you think you can give this pretty girl the life she deserves and be a good horse parent then Ace must be meant for you. There is a rehoming fee of $200.00 and you have to come get her yourself….. “

Wow.  Ok, well, umm, where to start?  You know, I think it’d be easier/make more sense if I put my comments within the offending ad.  Now that you’ve already read it, let’s examine!

“Look I don’t want to to this but this is my first horse and I have done all I can do with her. She is a beautiful horse and needs somebody who knows what they are doing. She is on the skiddish side and I don’t know if she can be ridden. She is black and white and her name is Ace. She likes men better than she likes women (I would LOVE to know how they came to this conclusion) and no sudden noises (hold the phone! You’re telling me a horse doesn’t like sudden noises?). Her favorite treat is apples and she loves to be brushed. She needs lots of land with pasture so she can run because I feel this is her wish (Unless you’re a genie I don’t see how you could possible know the mare’s wishes.  Did she whisper them in your ears?  Did you stare deeply into her soulfull, liquid chocolate eyes and just know.  Know beyond a shadow of a doubt, to the very core of your being, that she wanted to run in a pasture?  Teach me your ways, oh wise one. *barf*). she is my baby and I love her but sometimes when you love you have to let it go (Get over yourself you melodramatic idget!  This is not a semi-wild wolf – she’s not White Fang!). I have only had her two months from now will be a year (This sentence makes my brain melt.). I guess she is anywhere from from years to maybe six years (WHAT?!  I know it’s a lot to ask, but please at least glance at what you’ve written prior to publishing.). She likes when you play classic rock (That’s my kind of horse!) and will perk up her ears and whinny (In tune, I’m sure). She will answer you when you talk to her by shaking her head up and down or even shake for no (Say it with me now: My horse does not speak English.  Now, keep repeating it to yourself until you believe it.). She is smart just strong willed. She cannot go to a home that will mistreat her or forget that she is alive. She will let you lead her around with a rope (SCORE!  With a skill like that how can you possibly let her go for so little?!) and she is fond of taking her halter off. If you think you can be a good horse parent to her and give her the life that she deserves then let me know. There is a rehoming fee of $200.00. I would consider a trade of a smaller/less shy horse. She likes to be petted, loves apples and loves to roll in the mud. She gets very excited when you have a treat for her. She likes when you play classic rock and will bug you to read her a story all the time (Good gawd, I think she’s mistaking the horse for an unattended, lonely child.). She listens to you when you talk to her.. never complains (Definitely confused about whether or not this is a horse or a child.) when you discuss how frustrated with people and understands simple commands. I walk with her with a lead rope no I don’t know if she can be ridden I have no desire to try to ride her. She loves oatmeal cookies and is highly offended by the smell of skin so soft (*headdesk* You have GOT to be kidding me.  How do you know? Does she shake her head ‘no’ when you show her the bottle? Or is this another testament to the bond your souls obviously share?). She likes kids and has a fascination with toes. She is stubborn and looks at you like your retarded if you ask her to do something she considers dumb (*I’m sorry, but at this level of stupid, idiotic, moronic and brain bleach necessiting anthropomorphization I’m out.  That’s it.  That’s all I can take.  My head hurts.  I want to punch her.  I’m sorry, but I do.  Call me childish, immature – whatever, I no longer possess the capacity to care.  This ad has beaten it out of me.  Not with strength but with sheer lack of any semblance of rational thought.  Kill me now.).

She would like a boy playmate….. I mean she REALLY would want a boy playmate….. Apparently I couldn’t just leave it.  She wants a boy playmate? Let me see if I can decipher this one.  Hold on, I must meditate upon this… connecting with nature… in sync with my chi… I am one with the universe… I feel that she means she wants a cute little baby horsie to pop out of this mare.  She’ll undoubtedly pass on her desire to smell the sweet aroma of baby powder…

She is a tad underweight still so you would still have to keep feeding her sweet feed and stuff. WHY?! You’ve had her for almost a year and she’s “still” underweight? Especially when you claim to not be riding her!  What is causing her to exert herself so much so as to be underweight after being in a (assumedly) good home for approximately 10 months? Did she come to you at a body scale of 1?  Next question, why are you feeding her sweetfeed?  I freely admit I know nothing about refeeding a starved horse (if this mare was, in fact, starved) but somehow it doesn’t seem right to be feeding sweetfeed – please correct me if I’m wrong.  Just as a general note, when purchasing a new horse one must be prepared to continue to feed the horse “and stuff”.  You’d think that would go without saying…

she gets offended by different smells but if she approves of your shampoo or what not she will let you know by rubbing her head all over you.  No, sweetheart, that’s not a sign of approval – it means you’re a doormat and the mare has no respect for you whatsoever.  She’s invading your personal space.  Rubbing their heads on you is NOT a sign of affection!

She will allow you to wear apple smells or coconut and will be pleased but hates banana smells. Thank GAWD she approves of apple and coconut! Those are my favs.  I would hate to have to stop wearing those scents… I was not aware that the mare would be supervising my showers to “allow” me to wear certain scents.  That seems a little ooky if you ask me.  I’m cool with her hating banana smells though, I hate them too.  Death to bananas!  Vive la revolution!

There is a rehoming fee of $200.00 and you have to come get her yourself….. Oh ok, a “rehoming fee” well that sounds less aggresive than “sale price”.  Just out of curiosity, what will my rehoming fee be used for?  Is it to recoup expenses associated with rehoming this horse?  Oh no, that can’t be it – I have to pick up the horse myself.  Hrmm.  I’m sorry, are you a rescue? NO! So call a sale price a sale price and move on.  

The ONLY good banana:

Post your comment

32 comments

  1. Posted by Jennifer R, at Reply

    The only part I believe is the horse liking classic rock. I have definitely met horses who like music, hate music, and like and hate certain kinds of music. I know one who will do his best to contort himself to move in time with anything you play and will shake his head in annoyance if you don’t let him change to the best gait to do so.

    Oh, and hating bananas. I believe that too…my friend tried to feed Bo a banana peel the other day and he wanted nothing of it. Especially with somebody wandering around with a bag of carrots…

    • Posted by Ellen, at Reply

      Haha, one of women I ride with has a horse who knows a couple of songs better than the rider. She’ll be expecting the “canter” part of the music to come up and ask for it, and he goes “no, we’re supposed to trot here,” it’s so cute XD

  2. Posted by Kotka, at Reply

    WTF did I just read?!

    You should conspire to bring this one together with the equine psychic lady. The conversations they could have!

  3. Posted by Crockerpup, at Reply

    Whaaa?! I guess I don’t have to make that trip to LooneyTown after all.

    You know, on a serious note, I do think maybe this person has some psych issues besides insomnia if he/she really believes in the stuff written. This horse has maybe been good therapy for her, but thank goodness she’s ready to “let it go.”

    I have similar thoughts on the “boy horse” and the still underweight issues you snarked on….

  4. Posted by Meg, at Reply

    You missed the “fascination with toes”. This horse is picky with smells AND has a foot fetish. AND she leads with a rope. Amazing!

    • Posted by TerrorizedTrailGuide, at Reply

      I’ll give her that one. I had a horse who was obsessed with feet. No idea why. He just loved shoes and toes. He’d greet you by immediately sniffing your feet. Then he’d try and take them off peoples feet and/or lick the shoes. Weird.

  5. Posted by Keri, at Reply

    Is it just me, or does the mare’s jaw in that last picture look… Funky? Right side of the picture? The rest of the ad makes my head hurt. I read it out loud to my non horsey husband and he thought it was ridiculous, too.

    • Posted by Pretty Pitty, at Reply

      I thought it looked odd at first glace as well but I think that is part of the horse’s shoulder. Granted that does not explain the rest of the train wreck going on here but at least we can say we “think” the horse has a normal head – :)

      Dislikes banana stuff and has a normal head shape…. check!

  6. Posted by Barrelsaddle, at Reply

    OMG…..I really hope someone snatches this horse up and turns her into something nice. I see potential…but PLEASE DON’T TRADE your bombproof babysitter for this mare!
    This chick must be one of those bleeding heart-don’t-hurt-my-baby-horsie-who-farts-rainbows type…..excuse me while I go bang my head against a wall…..

    My horses hated Skin So Soft too….but still got it applied when used as a fly repellent…worked awesome!!!!

    And my horses…except my gelding…all loved bananas, skin and all….

  7. Posted by Cycle, at Reply

    “She is stubborn and looks at you like your retarded if you ask her to do something she considers dumb.”

    I lost it lolololololol

    • Posted by Kotka, at Reply

      Am I the only one that thinks the horse is doing that *because* the woman is actually dumb? I mean, straight from the horse’s mouth here!

      Like you, I lost it. Then I thought that for all we know, this is actually a long-suffering, been-there done-that horse who is “skiddish” because she knows her owner is a raving lunatic and is trying to run away.

      Horse says, “I can haz owner with brain, pleez?”

  8. Posted by Wendy, at Reply

    Snarky- I do have to say my buddy has a gelding that HATED herbal fly sprays. When I bought supershield red I could spray him in the pasture w/out a lead rope (yes not the safest idea in the world but there are stupid things we all do) or anything and when tied he would stand still the entire time. But when I bought the herbal smelling Supershield green- he would dance in place when tied and would roll the minute he was turned loose, and if loose in the pasture would leave after the first whiff came out of the bottle. It was rather funny- as long as the product I used smelled chemical he was ok with it- but he NEVER like anything herbal smelling- I never managed to pinpoint which herb he didn’t care for. (Maybe we should set him up with this mare? j/k) Meanwhile my old mare who he was pastured with couldn’t care less what you sprayed on her. Now (believe this or not) my old mare prefers men. Sucks for her since I am a chick and she is mine til the day she dies. But if I have her out hand grazing her and a male stops by to chat she immediately will walk up to them to be petted- if a girl stops by she will ignore them. If I have (in the past) have friends with children over she will be All over the little boy- she likes kids-girl or boy- she is visibly more careful when they are on her back- but on the ground she will be smelling the little boy, standing still so they can pet her, ect- while she will walk away from little girls trying to pet her. Until I saw her fawn over little boys I thought she was just responding to the deeper voices of men- but no she just loves males the hussie :) Can’t say I blame her though :)

  9. Posted by Hyena Overlord, at Reply

    *I can’t breathe and I think I just peed my pants!* *LMAO*

  10. Posted by Spots, at Reply

    Sounds like a little girl (maybe 11-12) who loves her horses but got no help with it from anyone with hose knowledge and got no lessons. Sounds like she’s trying to work with it on her own and doing the best she can – which is only working with it from the ground. I feel sorry for her, she’s wants to keep her horse, but knows it’s too much horse for her. Now, if the seller turns out to be 25, then I have a completely different view of her.

    • Posted by Kotka, at Reply

      Except for the “I have no desire to ride her” comment … don’t know many little girls like that.
      I re-read after you said that, and I think the writer has too many complexes to be a kid — the insomnia comment, the “hours of entertainment” from a horse, where most kids don’t stand around looking at a horse for hours, attributing a dislike of “loud or negative people” to the horse. To me she loves her horse in an entirely adult, clingy, messed up way and just happens to have the writing level of a child. This would be a fascinating analytical writing assignment.

      I need to believe that it’s mostly adults that are this much of a basket-case.

    • Posted by Jenn, at Reply

      I saw in my mind a blonde 40 yo hippy who speaks with a soft girlish voice.

  11. Posted by jlvjthela, at Reply

    😀 Love it, but at the same time scares me… guess what my horse doesn’t like my husband wearing a cowboy hat, well guess shes gonna have to put up with it. lol. Bannana smells….. I think I just snorted.

  12. Posted by Monica Morais, at Reply

    This is a joke, right? RIGHT?? PLEASE TELL ME IT’S A JOKE!!

    I think I just died a little inside…

  13. Posted by Gabe, at Reply

    Random point, since the upgrade your links have been very difficult to pick out of the surrounding text as they default to the same color. If this isn’t your intended behavior I think you can fix it by going into the file default.css and somewhere around line 30-40 you should see

    a, a:active, a:visited {
    color:#000000;
    }

    Remove that and it should start using the browser default color schemes for links.

  14. Posted by fredred, at Reply

    Where is this mare? I’d like more information and I can’t find a link. I think I can give her the upgrade she needs.

  15. Posted by BlazedFlame, at Reply

    At first I was thinking this is just another person who’s first horse was too much for her, that’s unfortunately, an incredibly common happening. Then I felt like head-desking. Now I thinking I wouldn’t be surprised if this person has some emotional/mental issues, seems she tried very hard to turn her horse into a person and failed.

  16. Posted by Irene, at Reply

    Unfortunately, there seem to be more and more people who are exactly like the person that posted this ad. I know three people like this and all three are scared right to death to ride their horses, either because they have never ridden in their lives, or they had a ‘bad’ riding experience when they were younger.

    The only thing that made sense in this ad is the obsession with toes. I have a horse that loves shoes and will untie your shoe laces if you don’t pay attention. Still trying to get him out of that habit. He has gotten better about it though.

    • Posted by Paula, at Reply

      Try tying a double knot. I am sure most horses would struggle to untie a tightly double knotted shoelaces.

      • Posted by Irene, at Reply

        Actually I do double knot, it’s the problem with him grabbing at them in the first place. As I said though, he has gotten a lot better about and I have only had to discipline him once this week for it.

    • Posted by Gerst, at Reply

      These are usually the same people who refuse to research horse training, can’t be bothered to ask more experienced people for help, and “know everything” already. It’s been my experience that their fear causes them to promote an idea of superiority instead of admitting to a weakness. They drive others off, then blame the horse for their own issues.

      Lady I knew bought a horse (had never been around them before). She took 1 riding lesson then proclaimed she would learn all she needed to know from the horse. It’s been a year now, an thank God she’s not dead, but she’s so scared of the horse she wot ride anymore. The horse is a saint too. I’ve offered on numerous occasions to help, I found her a relatively decent trainer that could help (if she didn’t want my help), and I’ve bought her books and sent her articles related to issues she’s having. She refuses to bother with all that fluff and continues to proclaim to strangers how great she is with horses. Drives me nuts.

      • Posted by Irene, at Reply

        Sounds exactly like the three I know. I’ve even had a friend offer to pay for her trainer to give one of them a couple of basic riding lessons, but like the lady you know, they refused any help.

  17. Posted by Charlotte, at Reply

    The Timmy’s ice cap I drank too fast yesterday and the subsequent brainfreeze that occured right after hurt less than this. *dies*

  18. Posted by Jenna, at Reply

    She’s…done everything with her she can, and doesn’t know if the mare rides? Forgive me if someone’s pointed that out already, but that’s one of the most wtf-y things in this ad. Besides the wonderful photography to display this amazing equine specimen. I mean, why would she ever let her go? *rolly eyes*

  19. Posted by Gerst, at Reply

    “… so I always try to keep her guessing. If you do go a few days with no sweet feed or her daily treat she will let you know her displeasure.”

    She stops feeding for a few day’s?!? Wtf? Explains why the horse is underweight.

  20. Posted by MichelleL, at Reply

    Ever thought of compiling a “Best Of…” book about these ads?

    My suggestion to the pseudo psychic would be to let the mare write her own ad.

    Which might read something like this, ” I don’t know what I ever did to end up here but I am REALLY sorry and I promise to be the perfect horse for the rest of my life if you will SAVE ME from this Bat Sh&t Crazy Person!”

    • Posted by snarkyrider, at Reply

      oooohmy I really, really should. That’s up there with the red neck dictionary 😉

  21. Posted by Annie, at Reply

    “She has a fascination with toes”

    Like what, eating them? Sniffing them? Rubbing her lips against them fondly? STEPPING ON THEM?