Disco. Disco Duck.

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How adorable is he?!
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I dunno, should I feel bad correcting these people’s heinous grammar mistakes?  They, to me, scream “English is my second language!  Please forgive any and all bastardization!”  But, then again, if you’re creating a professional website, by and large considered the MUST HAVE marketing tool for businesses, then perhaps you’d like to have someone with a firm grasp of the language take a look prior to publishing to the world wide web.  Can’t afford to pay someone to do it? Then read aloud what you’ve written!

For example, you wouldn’t say “He managed to have already beautiful babies.”

Nor would you anthropomorphize the horse by saying “He insisted that he is ready for a saddle…and accepting saddle without any fuss.” -maybe they’ve been taking lessons from Asia Voight, over the phone, mind you.

“He discovered that cavalletties are for jumping and loves it.” -whoa now.  You mean to tell me that your stud will jump over low obstacles?  Shut the front door!  Hold on, let me go buy the best grade mare from the people featured in this post and sign me up!  Hawt damn, those babies will sell like hot cakes!  And will be just as useful for riding, I’m sure.

“Homecoming queen wants pictures with him, He is asked to be in the high school year book. His gates are beautiful and so smooth!”  Wow.  Just wow.  You’re telling me that some ditzy blonde (ya, that’s right, I wasn’t homecoming queen! Get over it, I obviously did. 😉 ) who (presumably) knows nothing about horses wants to take a dramatic photograph with the pretty pony? It’s never been done before but it’s just crazy enough to work!  Schmitty, stop the presses! This is front page news!

(I think I got over my reservations about snarking this website.)

By the by, did anyone else follow the logic leap that tooks us from homecoming queen to beautiful and smooth gaits? Oh, sorry, that was “gates”.  I did not know a horse could own a gate nor take so much pride in their craftsmanship.

“To buy a horse of his breed is $15,000 and up as soon as they are under saddle  Why not use the opportunity to breed your favorite mare and have a super horse in a few years?”  Yes, because 99.9% of the genetics are from the sire…  I love these types of ‘calls to action’ wherein they flash a big ass price at you and say hey, breed now and it’ll only cost ya $x!  This only works on people who know nothing about horses – which is a very scary thought, especially when breeding is involved.  Oh goody! I can save $xxxx monies by breeding rather than buying! Hurrah! Except, of course they know nothing about the vet calls, the nutritional requirements and the myriad of things that could potentially go wrong.  Breeding horses is a gamble, and without knowledge and experience (or help from an experienced individual) the odds increase exponentially – against you.

Point of interest: they ain’t lying about that price tag!  Holy mccrapples! I searched for Lusitanos on equine.com and got these results.

Yikes.  Just an all around yikes.

I’m pretty sure there are going to be  a few people who feel this topic wasn’t “snarky-worthy” but sometimes it’s fun to step away from the horrible wretches and remind people that a passable grasp of the English language is required for business; yes, even horse business.  On a stud’s page you might also want to consider including some information on his trainig, what discipline you plan on pointing him towards, some links to his sire and dam (since a large part of the $15k price tag they mention is tied to the breed), oh, and maybe a stud fee.  Yup, a stud fee would be a good thing to put on a webpage advertising a stallion available for stud.

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26 comments

  1. Posted by Pretty Pitty, at Reply

    You forgot the most important thing… he learned to pony in only one hour! That’s right… it took a short 60 minutes (3,600 seconds) to learn to that someone leading from another horse was the same as someone leading him from the ground.

    I’m also more than a little disappointed that you failed to snark at the name of the place. Really? The big, shiney do-nothing stud is at a place called Unicorn Ranch and you just let that go past? Wait, it was too easy right? You didn’t want to go for the field goal but decided you needed the full points available via touchdown? Ok, I’ll give you that one.

    Oh, and not to worry… I wasn’t the homecoming queen either and I still managed to survive with only a touch of bitterness and just a few lasting phobias – :)

  2. Posted by Charlotte, at Reply

    We don’t have homecoming Queen’s around here. But then we don’t have proms either. We have graduation. Not that it matters. I don’t feel cheated out of my opportunity to be a ditzy blonde hanging off the arm of the football teams captain (well, I think we had football team in highschool…*ponders*)

    Yeah, that’s all I got.

  3. Posted by TerrorizedTrailGuide, at Reply

    At least they took him to a professional trainer? Actually, at least they can handle him!! Gah, I wish they were lying about the price… I love their spirit and movement… Pity about the owners because all in all, it doesn’t look like a bad horse. Don’t know that he needs to have his balls or at least be breeding yet, but I don’t doubt that those are awful pictures. It’s bad enough when owners sabotage crappy horses this way, it’s just wasteful when they do it to ones with actual potential.

  4. Posted by Bay Horse Girl, at Reply

    Why are Lusitanos SO expensive? What are they used for? I know, obviously dressage — but how many purebred (or even halfbred) are showing Grand Prix? At a national level? In the Olympics? Breeds like these (which are expensive for the SAKE of being expense) boggle my mind… and my wallet.

    • Posted by Bay Horse Girl, at Reply

      Like this stallion:

      http://www.equine.com/horses-for-sale/horse-ad-1908425.html

      $85,000???!!! Are you frickin’ KIDDING me? Yes, he’s pretty. But if I wanted to get a horse who was “the most beautiful, rideable, gentle horse to compete on or gallop out in the woods” I would buy another draft x for $800 bucks. If I ever, ever spent that much money on a horse it better poop gold and do tricks that would make me famous. Or take me to the Olympics. At least two out of the three.

      • Posted by ChestnutMare, at Reply

        I take your point, but Olympic/International calibre horses cost a lot more than $85,000. They are priced in the hundreds of thousands, into to the millions – Totilas’ sale price was rumoured to be 10 million Euros.

        There are plenty of people with $85,000 horses just in amateur competition.

        Not saying I’d ever pay $85,000 for this horse – or any horse, or anything other than real estate, for that matter – just don’t underestimate the amount of money that gets spent on horses.

    • Posted by TerrorizedTrailGuide, at Reply

      They’re extremely popular for movies and tv shows, especially since they are natural show offs and good at stunts. They’re also used a lot in Cavalia and those type of shows. They are used for dressage as well though. But honestly I think the movies are what keep the prices up. Every time I see one in something, I call it, and then point out that there is NO way that character would be able to afford a horse like that.. .at any time. But by god, they make the audience go “oooh”.

    • Posted by CattleDog, at Reply

      I think “beauty” has a lot do with it. They are particularly striking, if you ask me.

      That being said… you’re paying for exactly that: prettiness. That and they do have tend to have marvelous temperaments. They are known for having a more laid back, even tempered attitude. Essentially and easy going QH with natural flash and beauty.

      You don’t see too many at Grand Prix dressage levels because although (like Andalusians) they have MAGNIFICENT natural collection, the natural desire to extend gaits isn’t very common. While those naturally collected gaits are going to win you lots of shiny ribbons in 1st-4th, once you hit the FEI levels you really need a horse that has both qualities.

      At the end of the day, I think it is just the “ooo” factor. Even without proper muscling and training they are just naturally attractive movers! Add in the thick, flowing manes and tails, plus the long arched neck and people go gaga.
      Like anything else, most horse people will just ooo and ahh and go buy an affordable TB cross or something if they’re just competing at low level sports anyway. But I suppose if I had enough money that $50k seemed more like $5k to me, I’d shell out for the Lusitano instead. People like that keep the Lusitano market going 😉

  5. Posted by ChestnutMare, at Reply

    They did have his breeding shown on the copy of his registration certificate. Except curiously, it still shows his owner as being his breeder, in Texas, and this farm is in Oregon. So for all their pride in this stud, they haven’t bothered to have his papers transfered into their name. I’m not familar with this registry’s rules, but you’d think this might be an obstacle for registering his babies, wouldn’t they need the owner of the stallion, as shown on his papers, to sign off on a breeding certificates or so on?

    And yeah, on the scale of things to snark about… this horse looks properly cared for and loved and looks like a nice enough horse. Not the level of professionalism that you’d want to see from a breeder, but as BYBs go, it could be worse.

    • Posted by FlyBy, at Reply

      It’s possible that they have transferred the papers but haven’t updated the website. They do seem to take better care of their animals than the website – it’s not exactly professional, but I can’t really complain!

  6. Posted by Designer Chick, at Reply

    I have a hard time taking anyone with the word “unicorn” in their business name seriously

    • Posted by CattleDog, at Reply

      I’m automatically prejudiced against people/websites/farms that are hung up on the unicorn thing.
      Not that I haven’t see a few nice “Flying Pegasus Farms” or “Unicorn Valley Arabians” from time to time, but more often then not, it’s crazies.

  7. Posted by Ang, at Reply

    Aw c’mon they’re the great bullfighting horses! They should be worth millions!!
    I owned an andalusian and I used to get the registry’s magazine(International Andalusian and Lusitano Association) once a month. They, of course, advertise as being all around good for everything horses! Nevermind that all the breed registries say the exact same thing about their particular breed.

    • Posted by Monica, at Reply

      Is the IALA a real breed registry? Seems to me that they allow just anything remotely Iberian to be registered. I can assure you that the PSL and PRE associations have far more strict criteria to allow any horse to be registered.

  8. Posted by Monica Morais, at Reply

    So this Unicorn Ranch *barf* is breeding “Lucitanos “Seriously??? GODDAMIT those morons couldn’t even learn to spell the name of the breed they’re trying to sell?!

    Excuse the ragey reply, but seeing a bunch of kool-aid people trying to pass off as Lusitanos breeders really ticks me off. If English isn’t their first language, then I’m pretty sure Portuguese isn’t either. Apart from actually knowing the name of the breed, no self respecting breeder I know would would try to introduce a breeding stallion with personality, rather then sire and damn, training and anything else that might make it worth being a breeding stallion! But who cares about that, when But “Everybody loves Disco and his babies so will you” so what else matters, right? *facepalm*

    On a side note: I knew that Lusitanos were going for big bucks in the U.S. but $85.000?? Holly insanity, Batman!

  9. Posted by camerashy, at Reply

    Simply loved the “Theme from Forest Gump” background to his video. Are they trying to imply that he might have a less than average IQ?

  10. Posted by Trinity, at Reply

    What is with that extremely Photoshopped picture of electric flowering trees and radioactive grass?! Perhaps that is what it looks like in Unicorn Land…

  11. Posted by Kotka, at Reply

    OK, I get that these are crapacious breeders. But honestly, folks, the Lusitano has a lot going for it, when you look at the good breeders. They’re decent dressage mounts, they can jump (and more consistently so than most Andalusians), and yes, they’re good looking. Just because there aren’t so many prime specimens in the US does not mean that all they’re good for is movies and Cavalia. In Brazil, you will see a great many jumping at heights I will never reach, and, yes, reaching international competition. Let’s not go breed bashing. I think the reason they also often cost so much is that the people who import tend to import from the high level breeders abroad, and then they sneak in their expenses in the price.

    I, for one, hope that the modern obsession with warmbloods in dressage will not last forever — and the Iberians are actually better at classical dressage. So anyone who is interested in defiantly doing classical dressage … it’s a pretty awesome horse.

    Not to mention that the dressage world is flooded with warmbloods, so by sheer numbers alone, they end up seeming that much better at it, especially given the flawed judging of collection or lack thereof these days.

    Sorry, rant over. Hate it when crappy US breeders start ruining a perfectly good breed. Don’t get me going on what they’ve been doing to the Akhal Teke. Please visit a site like http://www.sucandi.com or even Interagro and cleanse your palate of the Unicorn ranch.

    • Posted by TerrorizedTrailGuide, at Reply

      Oh, I hate the pricing because I’d love one and they’re way out of my budget. Mainly they’re expensive because they’re still rare in the US, but they’re also gorgeous, typically well built (until byb start crossing the hell out of them) highly intelligent and sensitive; which means they need longer times to develop mentally and physically, so training costs more before they’re ready to show and breed. I love their movement and spirit, when you have a good bond with one, you get a hell of a horse. Train it poorly and you get nothing. I’d never say the movies are all they have going for them, I’m saying that they’re a big part of the demand.
      As far as these people breeding…. all I can say is at least the breed is in demand.

      • Posted by Kotka, at Reply

        Heck, that’s certainly what must have started the Friesian demand in North America (speaking of lovely, but over-priced and not that multi-purpose). Good point!

  12. Posted by Crockerpup, at Reply

    “Where everything is possible…”

    Who could resist breeding their mare to Disco, based on Lorane Unicorn Ranch’s slogan alone?!

    This “ranch” reminds me a lot of some [ignorant, trashy] neighbors down the road who have a fancy-schmancy Friesian stallion, breeding to everything and anything that has a uterus (mind you, their pasture has NO Friesian mares in it, only QH/TB types, grade foals [excuse me, “sporthorses”] at their side) and are in it solely for the money. Seriously, the owner is always talking how it is worth over 40k. Oh yeah, they’re making him a “dancing horse,” too, and just built some horrific raised wooden structure made out of study stuff like 2x4s… (not unlike the jungle gym that that pony was tied on in a different post) because they apparently weren’t happy with just four posts to tie him to for the whippin’, err training. I really should take a photo and send it to you. It’s classic. Piles of scrap metal, fencing, wire, etc in a pasture with multiple foals. A dog tied up on a chained in the middle of the pasture. Horses’ heads tied up for hours on end tacked up in the heat of the summer (nearing/over 100 degrees) with no break or water. And I digress….

  13. Posted by Stacy, at Reply

    I kept thinking this place sounded familiar. I wanted to volunteer with their therapeutic riding program back in my early teens … but my hometown of Cottage Grove was a bit far for my parents to be transporting me on a regular basis. That was over 20 years ago. I only heard good things about them at that time … we moved from CG shortly after that. Abnoxious writing on their website … it reminds me of a newspaper classified ad, where you were charged by the word, so you left out non-essential words … is, the, and.

  14. Posted by FlyBy, at Reply

    If he’s already managed to have beautiful babies they must have been breeding him at age two. Why would anyone breed their mare to a two year old? Never mind the lack of a show record, you don’t even know if the colt is going to mature into a nice horse yet. Most horses change shape a lot between age two and four and you have no way of knowing if this one will get better or worse – why would you bet your foal on that?

    On the plus side, he does look like a good horse, is being well taken care of, and is getting age-appropriate training. So no real rage here.

  15. Posted by Carol_in_wi, at Reply

    Just an update for those who are interested.. Cyndi Plasch got a citation for 2nd degree animal abuse or mistreatment, and inflicting pain to the horse.
    http://www.channel3000.com/news/Officials-Woman-to-be-cited-for-animal-cruelty-after-horse-beating/-/1648/12538252/-/sknot7z/-/index.html
    “The woman was apparently swinging at the horse in an attempt to coax the horse into a trailer.
    The woman identified in the video, Cyndi Plasch, will be cited for first-offense animal cruelty, according to Patrick Comfert, of Public Health — Madison & Dane County’s Animal Services Unit.

    Plasch hasn’t yet received the fine because officials are trying to find her but don’t have her address. The citation is a ticket that carries a fine of $429. Comfert said that he expected her to be cited later Thursday when they can find her.

    Comfert said that the ordinance defines animal cruelty as “unnecessary and excessive pain” of an animal. They determined the “use of the whiffle bat was unnecessary” and the “number of times (she struck the horse) was excessive.”

    Comfort said that officials didn’t think it was “necessary to beat the animal in the method she did.”
    hahahahahaha
    I can not believe that people are still defending her!

  16. Posted by Carriage Quotes, at Reply

    My favorite part of the website:
    Physical Amenities:
    -P.A. system to inspire you to dance with your horse

  17. Posted by Jinete789, at Reply

    Lusos (and Andalusians) are stupid money here in the UK too – even though we are in spitting distance of the countries they originate from. The half a dozen owners of Iberians I know are all scarily similar. To a woman (and they are all women), they are all respectable, well heeled ladies who are not especially brave. They all spend inordinate amounts of money on various visiting portuguese/spanish trainers who sit in the corner of the arena smoking and randomly using the four words of english they have mastered, whilst the women pootle about on their pretty, but scarily expensive horses . They of course don’t compete as the dressage judges are “biased towards warmbloods”, and wouldn’t dream of jumping. This is not intended to sound critical, as what you pay for a horse depends on how naive you are and how much you want it, and what you do with it thereafter is your business within reason. However I am proposing that these particular characteristics may provide a possible explanation for the lack of “price sensitivity” amongst this particular group when purchasing horses.